In the middle of the word "LIFE" is "IF"

  IF-by Rudyard Kipling

I first encountered this poem in my freshman year of college - November 29,1987.

Simple. Practical.  Easy to memorize, there 13 "IF's" in the poem.

Since then 27 years to date, I memorized and took these words to heart especially during times of adversity.  This piece of literature seems to apply to all facets of one's life.  I learned this in time.
 
"Do you know that 'if' is the middle word in life? If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you, if you can trust yourself when all men doubt you"...  
From the movie "Apocalypse Now" 

That quote from Apocalypse Now made more sense to me.  I kinda agree the word "IF" in the middle of the word "LIFE" has a profound meaning.  I lived it.

 
How I understand the poem is as follows:

1. Be calm, no matter what SNAFU you are in.
2. Believe in yourself.
3. Be patient. Stay focused, do not be distracted by mundane stuff like gossip or envy.
4. Maintain humility.
5. Have ambition.  Set goals and work for them. Keep cool in good times and bad.
6. Treachery is abound.  Keep your word.  Stick to your code. Have honor.
7. Take risk. Win or lose. Move on.
8. Keep striving towards your goal no matter what. Be determined, be ready to pay the price.
9. Be flexible. Learn to deal with different people.
10. Take criticism constructively even from those who love. Know what your limits are. What you can and cannot do.  
11. Make use of your time well to achieve your goals or mission or dealing with any issues.

The pinnacle point of the poem is that if you can do all of these in life, then you will ultimately be a man. A real man capable of weathering any storm that life throws your way.

In 1987 I  initially thought of it as a good piece of literature.  Something handy in conversation with girls, trying to sound intelligent by being full of youthful foolishness (a.k.a. bullshit).

What is amazing about Kipling's work is that it actually grows on you. In my life of 45 years I actually look back back at this poem and some specific lines come up to mind as I deal with a myriad of challenges.

Yes, I was lied about.  Oftentimes I was hated.  Many a time betrayed.  When arrogance overtook me i was forced to humble myself. 

There were things I merely dreamed of that I actually attained.  I got a post graduate degree despite my dismal college performance.  I took baby steps at improving myself.  From managing my temper, losing weight, quitting alcohol and smoking.  No biggie for many but for an animal like me it was such a herculean feat.  Even I amazed myself at times.

 

This would be the line I would tattoo on my back shoulder to shoulder

Heartbreak. Failure. Loss of loved ones.  Losing friends to treachery or plain betrayal.  Tears.  Humble in my victories, glorious in defeat.  These are other experiences that a few lines written in 1895 taught me to overcome.


All of this I experienced and still experience.  As air goes through my lungs and blood flows through my veins, I will still have to look back at this piece of prose.  

Whenever confronted with a situation somehow I look back at Kipling's verses.

In a recent crisis, I again took to Kipling.  I am enduring.  I made major life decisions.  I acted like a real man.  At this time what struck me was "stoop and build them up with worn out tools".   

While still in embroiled in this crisis, my life goes on.  I gotta push on through.  

The ever changing world is out there.   Gotta saddle up to man up and make those hard and fast decisions.

IF.........

For My Friends

I am not perfect. Hell no.

There are so many things bad about me and I am man enough to admit ALL of it.  I just hope that whatever you throw at me is true.  C'mon give some space here.  A saint I am not and I already admit it!

I also admit that my intellect is a bit on the low side.  Never was I called Einstein.  Most of the time I was called "the screw up", "innumerate" even "late bloomer".  That last one meant I was "slow" as in Forrest Gump slow.

So now I run by you with one of the things I am known for.  Nope I am not a criminal.  I was never caught.

I am good friend.

Friendship is a social contract between people.  Like the comic in this video said in modern parlance:


"My bullshit is your bullshit......"

There are my types of friends.  To name a few: Work friends, childhood friends, casual friends, friends with benefits, moocher friends a.k.a. friends of convenience, toxic friends, the dreaded fake friends and those that I value - TRUE FRIENDS.

I don't have much in life.  My parents have gone to the great beyond and the surviving immediate family is far and away.  My relatives have their own lives.

Because of my situation in life I gravitated towards an elite group.  A crack team of individuals that I enjoy being with in laughter, with music, on the rocks and even in spirit. My friends.  My crew.  My own Mafia.

It may seem strange why I write about such a subject.  To some this is such a trivial topic to discuss and discern but read on.  You will get it.

The great man Ralph Waldo Emerson once said "The only way to have a friend is to be one." .  In my own face and to you that know me know that despite all the bad stuff I earlier declared about myself, I am a true friend to them.  I treasure that part of me.

Sadly through the years, there has been an ongoing culling of people that I used to be friends with.  Some people add to my many nuances "grudge bearing".  I admit to that one too.  Why?
 
I am a guy that is absolute when it comes to friendship. It's black or white, friend or foe, up-down kinda thing.  My definition and treatment of friendship is air tight. Non-negotiable.

Those that know me would know attest that I am the type of guy that would take a bullet for them figuratively and most definitely literally twice on Sundays.  Yet I do not expect much in return.  What I do not expect is to be treated badly or abuse this friendship I offer.


A good friend once admitted to me that he would never be able to go through or give as much as I do for the sake of our friendship.  I said to him reassuringly that I never expected that in return anyway.

"A friend has to asks you whats wrong, a good friend has a shoulder for you to cry on, but a best-friend knows where to bury the bodies."

Sadly, the diamond that the former friends I had was lost forever When they, took me for a ride, lied to me, sold me at the stake, betrayed me or simply took advantage of what I gave them.  And that hurts even for a man like me.

Some deserted me, sold me out on a silver platter.  Some gave in to rabid investigations by ....not the cops, their wives to use me as an escape.  Some took sides.  Some made me a wind up monkey knowing that it would be cool on the count of my loyalty.  Some just never appreciated what they had.  A guy that would be there for them.

They had a diamond in their hands and they dropped it in a sandy beach.


It hurt me so many times.


Yes, I have said goodbye to many and most must regret it.  I do not hate them.  They are just gone for me.  I still cherish the memories i had with them when I can but in the end that's all that is left. Just old memories, nothing new.

If there are the posers, there are the bonafide certifieds as well.  The genuine tried and true.  These are the ones that I would kill for in a heartbeat.  They know that.  It's different to take a bullet for someone but consciously killing someone else is no laughing matter to declare.

I just turned 45. A dinosaur. The list of true friends that stick with me is shorter.  Ce'st la vie.


Such a perfect time for this to be posted.  I am embroiled in a crisis that showed me who my tried an friends are.  Lynched.  I was lynched and still is being lynched, hung out to dry, crucified.  The next step is the gasoline thing.  At the stake.

My spirit has been broken.  My very soul though intact is damaged severely.  I know that I will ride this through and I am happy.   Happy?  Yes. Happy that I again found out some more of my friends that are tried and true.  i am actually glad that my "friend list" is getting shorter.  At 45, time in this world for me is not too long.  At least, in my limited time here on Earth I was able to discern......the true friends.  Those that really matter.

After all of this I just hope that the friends I have stay true forever.  i cannot bear anymore heartache and shun any drama from my life.  I'm cool with that.

To my friends I thank you for the support, acceptance and reciprocity.   Thanks for appreciating the little that I offer and what you have been to me all these years -TRUE.

As blood veins through my veins I pledge to be the same.  to honor you and be true.  Though hell, high water and back, twice on Sundays. 

You got a friend in me.

"My best friend is the one who brings out the best in me."-Henry Ford

The Tao of Facebook

Life these days is so different from back in my day.

In those days, music was limited to 12 or 45 inches or tapes lasting 120 minutes max or a video cam had tape and was the size of a personal refrigerator.  These days its social media.  News travels so fast.  Messages sent instantly.  Back then snail mail was really the only way to mail.  A love letter took about 11 days to get to anywhere....wow.

Today with Twitter, Instagram and Facebook everything happens just too quickly, even the wrong information.

I deactivated my Facebook account.  From the looks of it, I could either start anew with a new account or just do away with it.  Social media is a double edged sword.  Make or break you, it easily can.

As a fitting tribute I thought of somethings I learned in my life that I can relate with living life with the use of Facebook.  

Here it goes, the "Tao" of Facebook:

ADD 

• people that have a positive impact in your life, 
• Life experiences,     
• Good memories.         

LIKE

• your  blessings.
• your family and real friends,
• Sunrises and sunsets. 
• Life in general.

UNLIKE 

• what you thought you liked, 
• what you dislike, do not pretend. 

BLOCK

• the negatives in your life,
• the posers,
• the people or things that add drag to your life,
• anything and everything or anyone you do not want to be with.                                   

ACQUAINTANCES                                 

• are acquaintances. They don't know you. You don't know them.   
• they could be friends, someday.
• they could also be scheming, cold blooded leeches or serial killers.  
• keep a safe, safe distance from these people.                                                 

IGNORE 

• the haters. They won't change their mind, 
• those that don't matter, shouldn't matter, 
• the past mistakes that you cannot correct.                                        

UNFRIEND 

• those that are not your  real 'friends'.  Simple.

MESSAGE 

• God
• Family
• Real friends and those close to your heart

NOTIFY

• People how much you love them, how you value what they mean to you them from time.
• People that may need help.

NOT NOW

•  Know what matters the most, prioritize.

 EDIT YOUR SETTINGS

• from time to time, find your bearing
• take corrective measures to be a better person
• evaluate where you are, who you are and WHAT you are.

EVENTS 

• worth going to should be calendared.
• attend events that are safe and of interest to you
• when you confirm, go. 

JOIN

• Groups that you want to join.
• Have a "tribe", a "crew" of people you really want to associate with.

LEAVE 

• Groups that don't want you there
• Crowds that you don't "fit in" to. Easily.

CREATE 

• your own group to share your interests and experiences to uplift your soul

UPDATE YOUR STATUS

• keep yourself informed update yourself
• only you can imorove your life status

CHECK IN

• from time to time with your friends
• your location with your family and friends

DEACTIVATE

• bad company
• bad thoughts
• bad habits
• negativity
• bad memories

TIMELINE 

• Major life decisions are turning points in your timeline.  Discern what to highlight, forget and discard.
• Only YOU can add whatever you think should be on your timeline.  It's your life. 
• Like Como once sang cherish and  "remember the times of YOUR life" .....

 POKE 

• at yourself sometimes.  Just for fun.  

Will I re-activate my account?  I do not know.  Maybe.  Maybe not. I have benefited from FB, had fun, reconnected and disconnected with people but I also wasted so much time in it.

A personal crisis also prevents me from being "connected".

Zuckerberg you are a genius is all I can say.  The new Renaissance has begun.  Don't spend it all in one place kid.  Thank you for the life wisdom that I derived from your social network.  I would love to have the opportunity to meet you someday.

Still standing at 45: Birthday Thoughts

Paradise

Two hours in into my 45th birthday and I signed up to work for a short term security project in a paradise resort away, far away, from friends, family and those that matter.

July 2, 1969. I was born at about 0800H to my late mother Ester.  My late father was a sailor aboard ship that rushed to see me a few days later.  My mother told me my father was ecstatic, jumping for joy when we met.  Babies are always a good reason to celebrate.

Wow. 45. I remember when I was a kid that I ask d my mom how old she was and when she said she was 45 I thought she was ancient.  Now I feel ancient. Time doesn't fly. It zings past you like a meteor.


Looking back at my colorful life I ponder.  Where did all the years go?  These days it is so different.  Bones ache.  Memories fade.  Bills need to be paid. The little future ahead has to be planned.

Tonight, as I lay on my bed in a beautiful resort area I think of what to write to commemorate my 45 years on this earth. After some thought I decided to write about some thoughts I have had leading up to where I am now.

Here goes nothing, I thank God for:

1. the food on my table, the roof over my head, the shirt on my back
2. my commanding presence, my built and the little bit swag I got.  On top of that, if I was made like Rudolph Valentino that would have been an injustice to the human race.
3. making the moves in His cosmic game of chess involving my life putting me where He wanted me to be in His time.   
4. allowing me to be sent to a better school than my smarter relatives, somehow letting me get into the premier state university in my country, graduating despite the doubt of others and the odds.  
5. failing an entrance exam that would have got me killed if I made it in that school.  
6. making me need to go to a public restroom while with a friend that led me into a Business School degree. 
7. opening doors for me because of all of the above. Giving me a shot at so many things.
8. giving me a chance to pursue a career, giving me jobs to do, to try.
9. allowing me to go on, putting me in  place where I could be helped when I had 6 hours to live a few years ago
10. for around 100 people that I can say truly love and appreciate me. That's much more than enough.
11. helping educate myself, in school and the school of LIFE
12. the past mistakes I made that made me learn and made me stronger
13. giving me such a loving mother and a father that did the right thing in the end
14. giving our family an angel that brought so much happiness in our life
15. giving my brother two wonderful sons that i love so much
16. giving me an Uncle that is more than just an Uncle.
17. my gift of gab, the little wit I have
18. the thick face that allows me to go onstage anytime intoxicated or not
19. my twisted sense of humor that some appreciate but some see as total madness
20. the the many other talents and skills I am just beginning to tap and discover
21. giving me the few wonderful friends that trust  me with their lives.
22. still allowing me to care for others no matter how much hurt I continue to endure
23. the sweet words I receive from people that matter.
24. giving me so many casual friends and the few real ones
25. giving me "special" friends
26. the few that love and care for me genuinely
27. allowing me to lose friends that were never my friends anyway
28. all the girls that that I loved even though they did not love me back.  It would have been a total disaster if they did anyway.
29. allowing those I have hurt to forgive me
30. helping me forgive
31. giving me a sense of purpose, doing the right thing or something meaningful
32. helping get off the whiskey wagon for the 5th year
33. giving me renewed hope in life, love and my pursuit of happiness
34. helping me accept myself completely
35. for the 45 years that I woke up for the day.

  Now it is morning.  I am still in a posh resort. Quiet. Calm. Staring at the peaceful sea.  This place is like out Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous.  Clearly it's a dream. I don't belong here. It is great though I am being productive with a real great bud than being sidelined at home.  Far away, keeping my head occupied, away from the troubles I face, the realities of life.  Look at the pics and video.  This  place is fabulous fit for only the rich and famous.

Now for my birthday wishes.  They are not much. I wish that:

1. I loose all those pretending to be my friends and I learn the tried and true to keep them for life.
2. all those dear to me find happiness
3. I become an even better friend, a better person in general, a great Uncle, Godfather, family friend to the children of my friends
4. I do not grow old alone and if I do, that I can be of no burden to anyone
5. there are more  parents in the world that will love their children immensely. Not all have the privilege of being a parent.
6. that I may have all that I need for the remainder of my life
7. Yolanda and other victims of disaster cope and recover from their loss
8. I can see the world. Europe, India and Africa.
9. I leave my mark in this world. No matter how minute or trivial.
10. I die a glorious death, in a blaze of glory, not just fizzle out but with a really BIG bang!

45 thoughts on my 45th year.


Life has been good.  Life does begin after 40 for me. It's been a rough, challenging but definitely a fun and profound experience. 

Thank you God.