There are so many things bad about me and I am man enough to admit ALL of it. I just hope that whatever you throw at me is true. C'mon give some space here. A saint I am not and I already admit it!
I also admit that my intellect is a bit on the low side. Never was I called Einstein. Most of the time I was called "the screw up", "innumerate" even "late bloomer". That last one meant I was "slow" as in Forrest Gump slow.
So now I run by you with one of the things I am known for. Nope I am not a criminal. I was never caught.
I am good friend.
Friendship is a social contract between people. Like the comic in this video said in modern parlance:
"My bullshit is your bullshit......"
There are my types of friends. To name a few: Work friends, childhood friends, casual friends, friends with benefits, moocher friends a.k.a. friends of convenience, toxic friends, the dreaded fake friends and those that I value - TRUE FRIENDS.
I don't have much in life. My parents have gone to the great beyond and the surviving immediate family is far and away. My relatives have their own lives.
Because of my situation in life I gravitated towards an elite group. A crack team of individuals that I enjoy being with in laughter, with music, on the rocks and even in spirit. My friends. My crew. My own Mafia.
It may seem strange why I write about such a subject. To some this is such a trivial topic to discuss and discern but read on. You will get it.
The great man Ralph Waldo Emerson once said "The only way to have a friend is to be one." . In my own face and to you that know me know that despite all the bad stuff I earlier declared about myself, I am a true friend to them. I treasure that part of me.
Sadly through the years, there has been an ongoing culling of people that I used to be friends with. Some people add to my many nuances "grudge bearing". I admit to that one too. Why?
I am a guy that is absolute when it comes to friendship. It's black or white, friend or foe, up-down kinda thing. My definition and treatment of friendship is air tight. Non-negotiable.
Those that know me would know attest that I am the type of guy that would take a bullet for them figuratively and most definitely literally twice on Sundays. Yet I do not expect much in return. What I do not expect is to be treated badly or abuse this friendship I offer.
A good friend once admitted to me that he would never be able to go through or give as much as I do for the sake of our friendship. I said to him reassuringly that I never expected that in return anyway.
"A friend has to asks you whats wrong, a good friend has a shoulder for you to cry on, but a best-friend knows where to bury the bodies."
Sadly, the diamond that the former friends I had was lost forever When they, took me for a ride, lied to me, sold me at the stake, betrayed me or simply took advantage of what I gave them. And that hurts even for a man like me.
Some deserted me, sold me out on a silver platter. Some gave in to rabid investigations by ....not the cops, their wives to use me as an escape. Some took sides. Some made me a wind up monkey knowing that it would be cool on the count of my loyalty. Some just never appreciated what they had. A guy that would be there for them.
They had a diamond in their hands and they dropped it in a sandy beach.
It hurt me so many times.
Yes, I have said goodbye to many and most must regret it. I do not hate them. They are just gone for me. I still cherish the memories i had with them when I can but in the end that's all that is left. Just old memories, nothing new.If there are the posers, there are the bonafide certifieds as well. The genuine tried and true. These are the ones that I would kill for in a heartbeat. They know that. It's different to take a bullet for someone but consciously killing someone else is no laughing matter to declare.
I just turned 45. A dinosaur. The list of true friends that stick with me is shorter. Ce'st la vie.
Such a perfect time for this to be posted. I am embroiled in a crisis that showed me who my tried an friends are. Lynched. I was lynched and still is being lynched, hung out to dry, crucified. The next step is the gasoline thing. At the stake.
My spirit has been broken. My very soul though intact is damaged severely. I know that I will ride this through and I am happy. Happy? Yes. Happy that I again found out some more of my friends that are tried and true. i am actually glad that my "friend list" is getting shorter. At 45, time in this world for me is not too long. At least, in my limited time here on Earth I was able to discern......the true friends. Those that really matter.
After all of this I just hope that the friends I have stay true forever. i cannot bear anymore heartache and shun any drama from my life. I'm cool with that.
To my friends I thank you for the support, acceptance and reciprocity. Thanks for appreciating the little that I offer and what you have been to me all these years -TRUE.
As blood veins through my veins I pledge to be the same. to honor you and be true. Though hell, high water and back, twice on Sundays.
You got a friend in me.
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