A couple of years ago I went on an Indochina Invasion. On separate occasions I was in Thailand, Cambodia and Vietnam. In my trips I was a skinhead. I would usually be my paranoid self in my trips especially whenever I over hear locals say "Buddha, Buddha" as I pass them.
Now I do not understand a word they say but intuition tells me that they were talking about me. Being a foreigner and looking like it. Though I am Southeast Asian, I am bigger than most. I wear 12's on my feet, enough said right?
That Buddha thing kinda stuck to my head. I thought "Man, I gotta lose weight, some punks might provoke me with that Buddha thing again when I go to Buddhist places"..
Fast forward a few years, I had this opportunity to be nominated as a local partner for a Taiwanese company. The preliminaries were promising. The principals had one condition though. I had to meet with them for dinner so that their Feng Shui master could check me out.
I was like "Is this some kinda joke?". My lawyer friend doing the deal told me they were serious about it. So I go to this crowded, multi-course meal, round table place which translates to fine dining with metal chopsticks that really means this place is expensive Chinese food. I get there in business attire. Nothing GQ-usque fancy - loafers, a shirt, chinos and my ever reliable knock off Paul Smith cuff links for accent.
At the table, the principals welcomed me. My lawyer friend was there and beside him was the Feng Shui master. Jet Li himself in his younger years, with the matching outfit and zero English and just a bit of everything but smiling in silence. This guy was not a local practitioner. They FLEW him in from Taiwan for this.
Dang. They were serious.
In the course of dinner, the principals advised me that the Feng Shui master a.k.a. Jet Li was to examine me. I acquiesced and wondered what I had to do. I was thinking they were going to ask me to do something like twirl a chopstick, eat a monkey or maybe pick a card, any card.
Jet Li, stares at me. Utters some inaudible babble in Chinese to the prinicipals. No more than three (3) sentences. I hear my name more than once though.
My Taiwanese counterpart then turns to me as I was eating some pork and noodles using fine chopstick cutlery, barely managing and says in a smiling face:
"Feng Shui Master already examine you. Feng Shui Master say you have big nose, ears like elephant and big stomach. Same like Buddha. Good for business. We sign contract.".
My lawyer friend was nudging me with his foot. He saw my jaw drop. I was still mouth agape at what I just heard. I was waiting for them to break out in laughter. My grip on the fine metal chopsticks was in transition, from fine dining to tactical. A few seconds passed, no laughter. Only genuine pleasant smiles. My friend still was nudging my foot for me to be cool. I was still on the chopsticks. Scenes from "The Matrix" flashed before my eyes.
It dawned on me. "These guys are Buddhists. They should not be taking their God's name in vain. Right?"
They meant well. My grip on the cutlery was not as tight. It all made sense. Dang, to them or the Buddhist world in general I LOOK rich and it's good for business. I got that Chi and not just Chi as in Chinese food in me. I got that "I look rich and prosperous" vibe thing going.
I shook hands, signed the papers and bid Feng Shui Master Sayonara. My guys then further confirmed what I thought. Even with the bulge, the Dumbo ears and Orangutan Nasals, I look rich, to them and "lucky" for the business.
Looking back at my life and wondering, I got a lot of friends, I got a lot of haters. Yins and Yangers. One thing I did recall was that I have always ended up in some position that does not take much experience, qualifications or a fancy education. It was more of a trust and confidence thing for the most part. In fact, my income is based on such as of this writing.
Maybe it is true. I bring luck, somehow. It rubs off on people I hang with.
In my major engagements and friendships, my friends would just want me around. One job I did was just be with a friend, sign stuff, help entertain his guests and hang out. Many times I was kidnapped to tag along trips at a moment's notice, even overseas at times. Another friend once said that somehow, when he hangs with me, he scores with the girls. Good for him. I am so flattered while he is swooned and I am at the bar, solo.
I wonder if it is really true about resembling the Buddha. I sure hope it is. Hey, I don't mind...... I say, "if you can't play, display".
At least I look rich, prosperous and "lucky" to some people. Better than trying to look chic and just looking homeless.
Everyday I wake up. I thank Him. I am blessed. With or without the Orangutan nose, Elephantine ears and the big stomach.
I am so lucky.
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