In my youth I read somewhere that "Life is difficult". No shit? You don't say? Sometime in my 20's my late daddy once told me "You will never have what your rich friends may have. But compared to many, you have much more." Back then I thought he was just trying to make me feel good about myself because he was not able to provide for us as much as we needed or wanted compared to his siblings. In short, I thought it was just an excuse. Bullshit. As the years passed, what he said stuck. As the years passed, I saw the reality. What my dad said was truth. Now at 45, I can't seem to bring myself to ask for more. Despite all the bad things that come my way I managed to endure so far. Betrayals. Mistakes. Rejection. Failure. Screw ups. Countless times. I have failed so many times. There is no excuse for my "lackluster" performance compared to most of my relatives and friends. Despite my failure. I am still fortunate that I have:
a roof over my head
food on my table
decent advanced education
decent and stress free jobs
alternative means of income
countless opportunities
freedom, being single
a great bunch of tried and true friends
You can look up global statistics and see that I am counted as rich. Statistically, at least. A Rolls Royce is grand to many but a dinner buffet is grander to a poor and hungry person. My daddy was right. I got all I need, not all that I want. No flashy cars, hot big tit women, mansions or clothes. Life is simple for me. I wake up. Give thanks. Do something, anything just to be productive be it work stuff or getting laundry done or writing blogs such as this on a hot and soon to be rainy Sunday). I hang out with friends usually over coffee and laughs. Simple. Where does the road of life lead? In 45 years I can compare my life to a road - bumpy, full of detours, smooth, curvy, with sharp turns, slippery, tight, wide, steep, full of road raging psychos or stupid drivers, free and clear, open, endless. And it is difficult, even with maps or GPS you can still get lost. Maybe you just get lost being a fool.
Often in my quiet times, I ask myself, what is this all for? After each wake up, the end of the road nears. I only pray that I learn why I was on this road before I get to the end so I can do what I was put on the road for, Yes, Life is damn difficult. Hell yeah. No damn choice but to "follow your road"......
In my life I have learned that there are no coincidences. Statisticians may refute this but I still think that everything happens for a "reason and rhyme".
A couple of weeks ago, I almost got stabbed on my way to an important meeting . It was a road rage thing and some sack of shit tough guy trike driver got pissed, chased me and while in traffic attempted to open my vehicle door to stick me with an ice pick. He ended up slashing my windows and my tire. Traffic cops accosted him. I sped off to my meeting.
If this happened ten years ago I would have gotten down with my weapons and engaged this street scum. The thing is, I did not. I was calm, showed him that I was not afraid at all. I even told him that I just have a meeting and will deal with him after. Calmly.
I could have died. For what?
This led me to writing this piece. It made me think of other events in my life and confirmed what I earlier stated. Like the lines of the song "Corner of the Sky"- "...Everything has its season, everything has its time"......
Many times I was in a place I should not have been in, many time I should not have said this and that. Many times.
Strange. Such is life. Lightning does strike people. Some board a perfectly flying plane and it disappears without a trace or crashes. Some bet on one lotto ticket and bags gazzilions. Even marriage is a "stroke of luck". The global statistic to date is that half of married couples split in a few years. Half. That is why it is called "the plunge".
Life is strange. Again, everything happens for a reason. Everything. As sure as the sun will rise tomorrow.
To note this "strangeness" some life changing occurrences come to my mind:
A failed marriage produced wonderfulchildren that brought so much joy to the parents.
Childless couples adopt and have more than they wished for.
Meeting life long friends in varying stages of your youth.
Joining a tribe, a club or an organization changes the course of your life.
A bar brawl can seal the deal on a lasting friendship.
There has to be a God. Only God can create this cosmic game of chess. We are mere pawns and the universe as we know it is the chessboard. We are the pieces.
If good things come, so will the not so good and even the downright horrible.
a friend of mine had failed marriage. He was such a bad husband but such a great father to his children. Even his ex-wife respects that.
Some do everything right as parents and still end up with kids from hell.
Meeting life long friends in varying stages of your youth can also turn to enemies for life.
Joining a tribe, a club or an organization changes the course of your life, a bane or boon.
“Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.” - Confucius
As I aged, I tried to make sense of it all. This is one equation I
can't compute. Not that I am good at computing stuff. All I know that
in retrospect some things, good or bad seem to be pre-ordained. There
were lessons, reasons and rhyme to all the madness.
If
did not live there, or went to school here, crash a party there, joined
this organization at that time or even having to take a crap bad while
having coffee with a friend that led to a post graduate degree.
Shit does happen. It is necessary. Part of the game. A bullet has a name.on it the day the round rolls put of the armory. Tycoons like Trump lose it all, move from the back to the front of the limousine. Most bounce back. Some don't. Some people just died trying. Some never tried at all.
Keep on moving.......push on through....
Robin Williams had it all. Yet at his untimely death, his human side took over and gave in. Sad. He was an idol. As he said, I also think that in dealing with life, we all have that spark of madness we should not lose.
In retrospect, some life events had to happen, good or bad and it all falls into place.
Somehow.
Peck once said "Life is difficult". Can't agree more. Life is a continuing battle. Cest' la vie.
At 45 years of age I still have questions. I still endure. Being alone does not mean being rid of problems. Being alone is really tough when hit with setbacks or unfortunate events. Man, it really sucks I tell you.
I am grateful though. Each day is a gift. A new lease on life, to move on, to do what you can. Each wake up is a gift from God.
There is no recourse but to go on. Like Kipling wrote "If you can watch the things you gave your life to, broken and stoop and build them up with worn out tools".... In this world, most things are beyond us, whatever strategic planning or hedging just won't cut it.
Life is to be lived per deum. The cosmic game of chess continues. Cest' la vie. Life's been good to me so far but I still gotta find my... "corner of the sky"...
Oh about that piece of scum that wanted a piece of me? I am sure he won't be so full of rage anymore.....
I first encountered this poem in my freshman year of college - November 29,1987.
Simple. Practical. Easy to memorize, there 13 "IF's" in the poem.
Since then 27 years to date, I memorized and took these words to heart especially during times of adversity. This piece of literature seems to apply to all facets of one's life. I learned this in time. "Do you
know that 'if' is the middle word in life? If you can keep your head
when all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you, if you can
trust yourself when all men doubt you"... From the movie "Apocalypse Now"
That quote from Apocalypse Now made more sense to me. I kinda agree the word "IF" in the middle of the word "LIFE" has a profound meaning. I lived it.
How I understand the poem is as follows:
Be calm, no matter what SNAFU you are in.
Believe in yourself.
Be patient. Stay focused, do not be distracted by mundane stuff like gossip or envy.
Maintain humility.
Have ambition. Set goals and work for them. Keep cool in good times and bad.
Treachery is abound. Keep your word. Stick to your code. Have honor.
Take risk. Win or lose. Move on.
Keep striving towards your goal no matter what. Be determined, be ready to pay the price.
Be flexible. Learn to deal with different people.
Take criticism constructively even from those who love. Know what your limits are. What you can and cannot do.
Make use of your time well to achieve your goals or mission or dealing with any issues.
The pinnacle point of the poem is that if you can do all of these in life, then you will ultimately be a man. A real man capable of weathering any storm that life throws your way.
In 1987 I initially thought of it as a good piece of literature. Something handy in conversation with girls, trying to sound intelligent by being full of youthful foolishness (a.k.a. bullshit).
What is amazing about Kipling's work is that it actually grows on you. In my life of 45 years I actually look back back at this poem and some specific lines come up to mind as I deal with a myriad of challenges. Yes, I was lied about. Oftentimes I was hated. Many a time betrayed. When arrogance overtook me i was forced to humble myself. There were things I merely dreamed of that I actually attained. I got a post graduate degree despite my dismal college performance. I took baby steps at improving myself. From managing my temper, losing weight, quitting alcohol and smoking. No biggie for many but for an animal like me it was such a herculean feat. Even I amazed myself at times.
This would be the line I would tattoo on my back shoulder to shoulder
Heartbreak. Failure. Loss of loved ones. Losing friends to treachery or plain betrayal. Tears. Humble in my victories, glorious in defeat. These are other experiences that a few lines written in 1895 taught me to overcome.
All of this I experienced and still experience. As air goes through my lungs and blood flows through my veins, I will still have to look back at this piece of prose.
Whenever confronted with a situation somehow I look back at Kipling's verses.
In a recent crisis, I again took to Kipling. I am enduring. I made major life decisions. I acted like a real man. At this time what struck me was "stoop and build them up with worn out tools".
While still in embroiled in this crisis, my life goes on. I gotta push on through.
The ever changing world is out there. Gotta saddle up to man up and make those hard and fast decisions.
Everything happens for a reason. As I sit by the beach under the starlit skies, the darkness makes the heavenly bodies shine so much brighter. The crash of waves on the shore serve as music to my soul. I found out who my real friends are. The tried and true. Relieving my angst. In my 45th year, I know again the true colors of people "shining through" like the stars above. The ebb and flow of waves, like the vicissitudes of life in the sands of time. Everything happens for a reason. Oh, what a splendid birthday gift.45 years and the realization I had while enduring.
Life will go on. The bus wheels keep rolling......
Happy Day (May 2014) Oh happy day Rain has come in the summertime An old man was given a visit and rewarded it with a smile An old friend came to town unexpectedly and time was shared over cheer A friend in need was comforted with the value of the bond of friendship even more appreciated . In life he space between may be far and wide but the memories in between cherished and kept alive by such a simple gesture In such simplicity lies the grandest joy in life that plagues one's soul Oh happy day......
THE DARK SIDE "Never
abuse a person's kindness. Never take one's humility for weakness.
There is night. There is day. Like Shakespeare wrote "the evil that men
do is interred in their bones". Fear the dark side of men. Some are
darker than the caverns of the deepest abyss. Fear the macabre wrath
that the humble and kind can unleash. Fear what a man can do when pushed
to the edge. For this is the human condition.''
BRUSHES WITH DEATH Doing the walk of life Strolling by death's valley more than one time 6 hours to live because of pneumonia a brawl a prank Sickness Stress By accident? By design? Only God will say "It is your time" SERENDIPITY Beg all you want Demand Force Things that a person can do for want of something or someone An act of Serendipity? Hope Pray The only way
FRIENDSHIP
Cast by time
Come and they go in life
The true stay
Beyond distances they remain
Some betray
Others merely fade away
Lost to wives
Lost to money
Lost to contempt
Others return even better than before
Some simply just don’t matter no more
HAPPY OR SAD
Happy, Sad
Happy, Sad
Life is lived
Happy, Sad
God has given us trials and chances
God has given us the choices
What will it be?
Happy or Sad?
SOLITUDE
Eternally alone
Since birth
Alone even among family and friends
Betrayed
Mocked
Scorned
Surviving
Life is good
Lonely
Life is good, nonetheless
My path
My destiny that I accept
LONELINESS
Together with a partner
Lonely a person can be
Dealing with it each time
Hardly ever getting used to it
Longing for love Maybe just a little company
Loneliness in life is key To realize one is still part of humanity
TIME
Flows like water
Runs dry in the sun
Gone forever
Like time
The past can never be changed
It haunts a person
What counts is today
The now
Per deum
The only way to live
Per Deum
WHAT OLDER MEN CAN’T HAVE
One last fling
One last battle One last fight
A true love,
An affair
A partner for life
A child
The years have gone
Time has passed
Withered, older
Nearing to be ash to dust
What can they do?
Alone I they are or have become
For life
Their destiny
Their world
THE DREAM OF ROMANCE
Always there will be a woman in a man’s life
The one that got away
The true love
The perfect girl
The player
The one that never even knew him
Always there is one that fits that mold
Some look back with relief
Some look back and wish or even dream
Some never look back
Just knowing that they are a memory
Forever lost in the sands of time
HOME
Where is home?
In a mansion with 3 people
In a shanty with 18
In an apartment alone in a bad part of town
In the valleys of your heart
In the depths of your mind
Where is home?
Family and friends
Where the home lies
SAVE THE SECRET
Lips be still, no matter the urge
To brag
To fret
To reveal
Sensitive matters of the heart
Thoughts from the soul
Not all ears are eager to listen
Not all care
Some pretend to do and spread the words to those not supposed to know
Sugar coating at times
Violating trust
Spreading rumors
Treachery is around us
Caution should there be
Lips be still, heart be not broken
PURPOSE
What has God set me to do?
To be a friend?
To be a warrior?
Abrother?
Maybe juts simply to be?
Purpose is the mission I seek
Sadly only in death will I know
THE LUCKY ONES Lucky are the ones That find the right one to age with To be their friends To raise families Not all are blessed Not all get the same Lucky are the ones that know
TRUE FRIENDS True friends are hard to find Acquaintances are five for a dime Known only thru time Filtered by memories of stunning sunsets and the changing of the tides Treasures they are that no money can buy Aged like the finest of wines True friends are hard to come by
MOVING ON Be on the move, Push on thru Forget the bad Move forward, come through No looking back Cherish the good Have faith Life is just a path we are all passing thru So much to loose
Life is short, move anew
For Paul H
A man with a smile so bright A heart radiant A giving hand Human Thriving in this imperfect world With him he carries his own dark side.
For Cristina Trinidad A woman toils embarks in another adventure Another path Another trip Into the abyss of the unknown she dives Deeper The adventure continues Her day has come
FOR INA FROM RAOUL My angel has flown back to her world and I remain in mine The pressure has been relieved I am fine I know you will be too Until I see you again If not in this life Perhaps in the next Goodbye my Queen Goodbye
A MOTHER'S LOVE (for Zaida Asis)
The wind blows when the mother's talk
Her babies are now boys Time is passing quicker than she wants Before her eyes she sees the progression Time remains constant. Like her love These boys will continue to grow to be men Her love will also grow She is their mother No matter what and with time Her love will continue to grow for these men She is always their mother
In my youth I read somewhere that "Life is difficult".
Life is simple for me. I wake up. Give thanks. Do something, anything just to be productive be it work stuff or getting laundry done or writing blogs such as this on a hot and soon to be rainy Sunday). I hang out with friends usually over coffee and laughs. 
In 45 years I can compare my life to a road - bumpy, full of detours, smooth, curvy, with sharp turns, slippery, tight, wide, steep, full of road raging psychos or stupid drivers, free and clear, open, endless. And it is difficult, even with maps or GPS you can still get lost. Maybe you just get lost being a fool.
