What a guy. Slick, sly and super-fly!

An old friend passed on a couple days ago.  

Leonard Pitcock was just 44.   Leonard was a man of swag, smiles and tons of fun.   Now this guy could tell you stories to bring the house down.  The stories may or not be true but definitely entertaining.  To have Leonard be a guest at your party would outdo a professional stand up, comic any day.

I met Leonard in the ‘80’s in a party thru other old friends like his partner, Noel puyat and Il mafioso Don Vito Sarmiento.  Leonard was so animated and told me about his war exploits in Vietnam as part of a Spec Ops unit.  I then found out he was 18, my age at that time as well.  That would have made him four or five when Saigon fell.  He got me there.

We hung out whenever he was in town from abroad.   My memories of Leonard are filled with his animation and gift of gab.  Leonard was like the “stallion” that he would often talk about in his stories about horses.   He was one of the very few Cowboys and polo players I met in my lifetime.  This guy could really talk.  I believe he could also speak Portugese, Italian and Spanish in addition to his perfectly fluent Filipino.  All the time with Leonard was fun.  He was cheerful, generous, funny and a man’s man.  There were no dull moments with him.    A few years ago, I saw another side of him when we hung out at Don Vito’s.  Leonard opened up to me about some things that were bothering him.  This was the only time I saw him weak, vulnerable and worried.  Leonard was human after all.  Around this time, I also set him up on a date at a friend’s bar.  I remember that night for it was a classic Pitcock performance.  Not only did he dazzleh his date, the whole bar listened to his stories about the Big House, hunting and Florida. All were laughing, enjoying every minute of the almost three hours he was “onstage”.   

What a guy.  Slick, sly and super-fly!

There was a simple service in his honor last week.  Leonard’s closest friends and family spoke of what he meant to them.  Leonard’s body was abroad still and yet there were at least fifty people in attendance. I was also touched by the priest’s opening for the mass.  The priest asked us to recall Leonard, reminisce how he touched our lives and reflect on our own lives.  He also asked us to think about what is truly valuable to us.  Was it material things?  What do we really value?  

I am glad I met Leonard.  That’s one thing I still value - being with cool friends like Leonard and the crew in this short life.  I only regret not hanging out with him more. 

Rest cowboy, ride into the sun, fly to the angels, on a stallion or a wake board.   Flowers will bloom in your name.  See you in the next, soon.   

Salud y mas amor.

Going Home. Then again, where is Home?

"Going Home. Then again, where is Home?" - A few years ago I posted this on my FB status.  Strangely, I got quite a few likes and comments.



I was in the hospital for pneumonia.  I almost died.  Since I lived alone, I would have brushed of the asthma I had.  I was at a friends resort and eventually his home with his kin when I discovered that it was not just recurring asthma from my teen years.

I had about 6 hours to live.



Strange.  That time of my life seemed trivial to many.  Trivial as in when I speak of it they brush it off.  I mean I had hours to live.  Hours.  Yet the people I talk to about this take it lightly at least that is how I feel.  This is one of the closest scrapes with death I have had in recent years.  The accidents, fights, getting shot were all far, far away.



In my mid life, I realized that we venture to the real world after school or our formative years.  We work in new places, away from family.  We meet new friends.  We lose old ones.  We live and yes we try to learn.



In my past writings I touch on this subject many times.  About going back to where you came from.  back to where things happened,  The old friends. Like the song, cheesy at it is we sing of memories, the good old days,  "The Way Were" .



Yet in recent times I have had another realization.



So I ask again, where is home?



Is it a place where you grew up? Your old school?   Is it a bunch of friends from school or your homeys?  Family?



At times coming home to old friends, even family those that you think bore the tests of the sands of time turn out to be less than that.  Yes, I am talking about people, family, friends, institutions, groups, crews that up until recently I thought were going to be part of my remaining voyage in life.  It is heartbreaking to discover even at this point in my life that some old friends were not really friends since, bros were not there before the hoes, kin was not first, crews were never tight and organizations I was proud to be affiliated with were not as proud to have me.

Which friends do you avoid?
  
In a few hours, I go to my old school for a reunion.  27 years before I finished High School.  It is one home I go back to.  I relish memories.  Meet the old friends.  Meet the true and not so true.  

Real Friends?




So much has happened since I walked out of that school.  Living and yes I am still learning.
I still go to relive and further cherish memories.  For the good still outweighs the foul.  Yes, in my life there has been more of good than otherwise.  More of smiles, laughter, love than treachery, hate, deception.



Living and yes I am still learning.  Ce'st la vie.  Ce'st simple' et ci bon.





Still I ask.  So where is Home?

This Much is TRUE

Funny how it seems.....

A week ago I was invited with an old school buddy DJ at a roof deck bar that my other DJ friend manages.  The place is pretty posh for my blood. In a hotel, in the nicer part of town and on top of the world under the stars, with a majestic view of the city lights.

A few retro tracks into my friend's set and we get a request by one of the patrons.  My friend's bro in law had a soiree  and in his gang there was someone that wanted to propose to his girlfriend and was asking if he could do it to a song by I forget if it was John Mayer, that Shiraz guy or some other band too young for my blood.  It turns out we did not have the material at the box so I recommended  the most overplayed, cheesy ballad that came on top of my head -True by Spandau Ballet. The guy agreed to it

This single is downright 80's cheese, still overplayed after topping the charts more than 30 years ago and after using my Google - Fu, it turns  out that this song has different interpretation ranging from an acid trip to a previous Holocaust prison where the band's name came from.

This song reminds me of my puberty having  been released  in my freshman high school year. This one played at high school parties, on the radio, when I sulked after a faux pas' with women or whenever I was in places with my "seaside arms"....  It's like the "Wonder  Years" series  but set in the preppy, big gelled hair, topsider filled '80's. This song played  well into college and beyond, as in last week beyond.

In the '90's PM Dawn sampled the track and added even more memories to that ever so familiar tune.  

Despite the interpretations I mentioned, to me It is a love song.  Period. Marvin Gaye references and all. This song played when I was with someone I cared for in the past and she loved it.  Again, another time when I recall the song it reminds me of times in my life,  like sands of time on a dome.  How good it was. How good it would have not been if the truth was not let known.

Back to the guy that made the proposal. He gulped a lot of drinks. And I do mean a lot. I did a short intro on the mic about interrupting regular  programming and dissolving some nerves, got down on his knee, whipped the ring out and popped the big one.  Flabbergasted in front of their friends, she accepted.  
I then congratulated the couple and gave them the usual Mafiosi wish of "may that first child be a masculine  child" and the couple danced a slow one to the song. Everyone in the place applauded.  There was a resounding "awww" from the other patrons in the bar. "Hu, hu, hu hu-ha....."

For a guy that never married,  a closet romantic and a retired bad boy, the site of such a happy couple struck a chord.  Looking at them dance made me genuinely happy for them. They were in love. I saw it.  I also know that the road ahead will be a combo of uphill, dirt, rocky, smooth and bending for them as a couple and hopefully as a family. Somehow, I share the optimism that emanated from everyone in the area that evening. 

As the couple ended their dance I was reminded of how touching and relevant this song was,  cloyingly mushy and all.  I suddenly recalled Drew Barrymore and Adam Sandler flicks.

As for me, life goes on. Nothing is too cheesy for my blood at this point in my life....this is the sound of my soul and yes,

I STILL do want the truth to be known.......

Resolutions Revolution 2015

Two weeks into the year and as I am hung over from the commercialism, the pageantry and the bouts with loneliness, I continue to reflect on what I hope to accomplish in this new year.  My resolutions, thoughts, aspirations or plain stupid things I just wanna do.

Amid the hustle and bustle, I managed to squeeze some quiet time to think. reflect and ponder on so many things.  I also made some resolutions.  To name some are:

1. I will quit smoking after almost two years of being a chimney. So far, so good.
2. I will repair my home, keep it as neat as possible.  Repairs done.  Neatness is a work in progress.
3. Continue to live a simple quiet life.  Ce's simple'......
4. Continue to try to make someone happy in my own small way.  A joke, a cup of coffee a smile.....
5. Read more.  I gotta a pile of books gathering dust.  
6. Write more poetry.  Thither and yonder.,...
7. Continue to save and invest for my retirement.  Scroogin' for the future.  Build wealth. Save.  Spend on essentials.
8. Give love a chance, without pay.  
9. Let go of something like a group, or crew to achieve something else or to simply move on to other things.  Yup.  I gotta move on.
10. Update my Bucket, Thanksgiving and Happy Moments Lists.  These lists get so much longer as I age.
11. Continue to Love true friends and caring family.  Ditch the posers.  Love thos that are real.  End of discussion.

My life as a middle aging bachelor continues.  Farther from the beginning, moving ever closer to the end, as Morrison sang "my only friend, the end".

This year had its moments. It also had its low sides.

Looking back, I have given up on trying to make out the rhyme and reason for what I had to endure. I continue to do so but have also I accepted my fate.    I accept that it is all part of a grander scheme of things. There are good things and not so good or rather "challenging" things thrown at you in life.

I can only hope that everything will be alright, in the end.  Nah, I know so.  Our Lord is with us always.

Everything's gonna be alright.

Happy New Year to all.  Peace, Love and Good Vibrations!

"Anything can happen. Anything happens all the time."

"Anything can happen.  Anything happens all the time." - Penny in  "This is where I leave you"

This Is Where I Leave You
Funny.  So simple yet so true.  Anything CAN happen.  Opportunities, failures, SHIT. Anything happens all the time. I guess it is what we call life. 

There is no negotiation.  Ce'st la vie.

I saw this movie by my lonesome, as usual, Though, lengthy it touched on many points and issues people my age are still going through.  Poignant.  Real. 
TIWILY Quotes

The quote that this entry gets its title is from a character in the movie.  She said those lines when the main character, her love from her youth was saying goodbye.  Rather than being still bitter, she uttered those lines because she did believe that anything can STILL happen.  What a positive way to look at the situation.

The past, regrets, memories both good and bad and life in the now.  These are themes that I always encounter especially as I age.  Though we all have regrets, I have learned to mitigate them by seizing the opportunity with often extreme alacrity and disregard.  If I like a girl, I ask her out.  If an opportunity for business presents itself, I explore and so on.

Such is life.  Cosmic forces are in place.  I still believe that we are mere chess pieces in a board that is the universe. Someone out there is doing the moving.  As in my past writings, I have learned that their is a God.  For only He could have put me in this place at  that time for this and that.    .  

There is no way to analyze life in general.  There are the good things and the bad.  In my youth I would take the bad things as punishment for my sins or misdeeds.  Some kind of karma.   Then again, I aged and I saw the other side more. The pluses still outweigh the negatives.  

Is it destiny?  I believe so.  I do also think that a certain proactive approach should be undertaken.  I mean, not much will happen if I sulk and allow myself to decay by myself at home in solitude/  If it is meant to be, I also have to MAKE it happen.  

I recently managed a personal crisis.  I think its mostly over.  I hope so.  I am have begun to heal.  The incident involved a lot of betrayals, harsh words and lies.  That was one barbecue in the park I should not have gone to and tasted.  Yet, I am sort of understanding why despite the hurt I endured and still am healing from, I also got my eyes opened again.  In this stage of my life, some friends I thought were true were merely masquerading/  A painful reality unfolded.  For a while I felt so alone.  In the dark.

That is when real friends in my life surfaced, shining through the dark again.  I have many acquaintances, connections and pals.  However, only a few make it to my bonafide, certified "FRIEND" list.  It's kinda like that mental exercise when you envision who you have to be with on boat that sails the world.  Only a few make it to be my crew.

There is no choice.  One life.  Face life, with HOPE.  Fear is OK but should get the better of you.   Gotta hope for the best because anything CAN happen.......

Orangutan Nose, Elephantine Ears and a Big Stomach ..

A couple of years ago I went on an Indochina Invasion.  On separate occasions I was in Thailand, Cambodia and Vietnam.  In my trips I was a skinhead.  I would usually be my paranoid self in my trips especially whenever I over hear locals say "Buddha, Buddha" as I pass them.

Now I do not understand a word they say but intuition tells me that they were talking about me.  Being a foreigner and looking like it.  Though I am Southeast Asian, I am bigger than most.  I wear 12's on my feet, enough said right?

That Buddha thing kinda stuck to my head.  I thought "Man, I gotta lose weight, some punks might provoke me with that Buddha thing again when I go to Buddhist places"..

Fast forward a few years, I had this opportunity to be nominated as a local partner for a Taiwanese company.  The preliminaries were promising.  The principals had one condition though.  I had to meet with them for dinner so that their Feng Shui master could check me out.

I was like "Is this some kinda joke?".  My lawyer friend doing the deal told me they were serious about it.  So I go to this crowded, multi-course meal, round table place which translates to fine dining with metal chopsticks that really means this place is expensive Chinese food.  I get there in business attire. Nothing GQ-usque fancy - loafers, a shirt, chinos and my ever reliable knock off Paul Smith cuff links for accent.

At the table, the principals welcomed me.  My lawyer friend was there and beside him was the Feng Shui master.  Jet Li himself in his younger years, with the matching outfit and zero English and just a bit of everything but smiling in silence.  This guy was not a local practitioner.  They FLEW him in from Taiwan for this.

Dang. They were serious.

In the course of dinner, the principals advised me that the Feng Shui master a.k.a. Jet Li was to examine me.  I acquiesced and wondered what I had to do.  I was thinking they were going to ask me to do something like twirl a chopstick, eat a monkey or maybe pick a card, any card.

Jet Li, stares at me.  Utters some inaudible babble in Chinese to the prinicipals.  No more than three (3) sentences.  I hear my name more than once though.

My Taiwanese counterpart then turns to me as I was eating some pork and noodles using fine chopstick cutlery, barely managing and says in a smiling face:

"Feng Shui Master already examine you.  Feng Shui Master say you have big nose, ears like elephant and big stomach.  Same like Buddha.  Good for business.  We sign contract.".


My lawyer friend was nudging me with his foot.  He saw my jaw drop.  I was still mouth agape at what I just heard.  I was waiting for them to break out in laughter.  My grip on the fine metal chopsticks was in transition, from fine dining to tactical.   A few  seconds passed, no laughter.  Only genuine pleasant smiles.  My friend still was nudging my foot for me to be cool.  I was still on the chopsticks.  Scenes from "The Matrix" flashed before my eyes.

It dawned on me.  "These guys are Buddhists.  They should not be taking their God's name in vain. Right?" 

They meant well.  My grip on the cutlery was not as tight.  It all made sense.  Dang, to them or the Buddhist world in general I LOOK rich and it's good for business.  I got that Chi and not just Chi as in Chinese food in me.  I got that "I look rich and prosperous" vibe thing going.

I shook hands, signed the papers and bid Feng Shui Master Sayonara.  My guys then further confirmed what I thought.  Even with the bulge, the Dumbo ears and Orangutan Nasals, I look rich, to them and "lucky" for the business.

Looking back at my life and wondering, I got a lot of friends, I got a lot of haters.  Yins and Yangers.  One thing I did recall was that I have always ended up in some position that does not take much experience, qualifications or a fancy education.  It was more of a trust and confidence thing for the most part.  In fact, my income is based on such as of this writing.

Maybe it is true.  I bring luck, somehow.  It rubs off on people I hang with.

In my major engagements and friendships, my friends would just want me around.  One job I did was just be with a friend, sign stuff, help entertain his guests and hang out.  Many times I was kidnapped to tag along trips at a moment's notice, even overseas at times.   Another friend once said that somehow, when he hangs with me, he scores with the girls.  Good for him. I am so flattered while he is swooned and I am at the bar, solo.

I wonder if it is really true about resembling the Buddha.  I sure hope it is.  Hey, I don't mind......  I say, "if you can't play, display".

At least I look rich, prosperous and "lucky" to some people.  Better than trying to look chic and just  looking homeless.

Everyday I wake up.   I thank Him.  I am blessed.  With or without the Orangutan nose, Elephantine ears and the big stomach.

I am so lucky.

The Road

In my youth I read somewhere that "Life is difficult".

No shit?  You don't say?

Sometime in my 20's my late daddy once told me "You will never have what your rich friends may have.  But compared to many, you have much more."  Back then I thought he was just trying to make me feel good about myself because he was not able to provide for us as much as we needed or wanted compared to his siblings.  In short, I thought it was just an excuse. Bullshit.

As the years passed, what he said stuck.  As the years passed, I saw the reality.  What my dad said was truth.  Now at 45, I can't seem to bring myself to ask for more.

Despite all the bad things that come my way I managed to endure so far.   Betrayals. Mistakes.  Rejection.  Failure.  Screw ups.  Countless times.   

I have failed so many times.  There is no excuse for my "lackluster" performance compared to most of my relatives and friends.  

Despite my failure.  I am still fortunate that I have:

• a roof over my head
• food on my table
• decent advanced education
• decent and stress free jobs
• alternative means of income 
• countless opportunities
• freedom, being single
• a great bunch of tried and true friends

You can look up global statistics and see that I am counted as rich.  Statistically, at least. 

A Rolls Royce is grand to many but a dinner buffet is grander to a poor and hungry person.

My daddy was right.  I got all I need, not all that I want.  No flashy cars, hot big tit women, mansions or clothes.

Life is simple for me.  I wake up. Give thanks.  Do something, anything just to be productive be it work stuff or getting laundry done or writing blogs such as this on a hot and soon to be rainy Sunday).  I hang out with friends usually over coffee and laughs.  

Simple. 

Where does the road of life lead?   

In 45 years I can compare my life to a road - bumpy, full of detours, smooth, curvy, with sharp turns, slippery, tight, wide, steep, full of road raging psychos or stupid drivers, free and clear, open, endless.  And it is difficult, even with maps or GPS you can still get lost.  Maybe you just get lost being a fool.


Often in my quiet times, I ask myself, what is this all for?

After each wake up, the end of the road nears.  I only pray that I learn why I was on this road before I get to the end so I can do what I was put on the road for,

Yes, Life is damn difficult.  Hell yeah.  No damn choice but to "follow your road"......