I don't really use such words but yes, that is what happened.
Shy....
Hanging out a bar owned by a classmate, minding my own just cooling. My classmate, the ever gracious host introduces me his crew at the place. The last one I met was this woman called Katherine (maybe her name but maybe not)
Katherine had that magical aura, the kind that posses a gravitational pull. Her smile lit up the place.
Boom. Angels DO fall from heaven.
We chat. I compliment her to high heaven (and mean it). Katherine emits that radiant smile and get to know more of her. She floats among her friends and all share a laugh.
I am smitten.
Poetry was in motion (that guy "dancing by himself" was certainly not).
The admiration poured. Never have I in recent memory been so charmed like some kind of voodoo. Her figure was perfect, she felt fat. She sure did not look her age and was completely elegant. Her hair simply short but still looked magnificent. She was a mother. A hot one. Her smile was bright. An angel.
In my age, it's gloves off for this rodeo. No more of that suave, swashbuckling, sideshows. HONESTY. Lay it down and lay it straight.
So I did the cool swashbucklingly desperate middle age ninja maneuvers. I "swashbuckingly":
Cut her a line for the toilet, politely off course. Took pictures of her and myself, repeatedly reminding her of her beauty that she modestly denies. And the "crem brulee".....
I ask her out for coffee. I even "swashbuckingly" asked permission from her older sister AND her husband to take her out. I figured it would be the best thing considering an earlier incident where I was in the toilet and her older sister bangs the door calling Katherine, and was there all alone taking a piss.
All attempts were in direct violation of the reference material "Debonaire for Dummies". Pathetic.
I am smitten.
Together with another fine lady I met at the place celebrating her birthday I openly admitted to Katherine that she was the type of woman that will make me break in a pawnshop at 2:00 am to get a ring and its Viva Las Vegas if she actually asked me to marry her that instant.
Strange thing is I would have done it. In a heartbeat, maybe even twice on Sundays.
That was slick. Whatever works right?
My classmate is hammered. We hang out at his place after taking his friend home. He even somehow directs traffic on the way back. At his place, I stare at the pictures earlier. It was real.
She was real.
And again I am smitten.
This experience is wonderful. I learned more about myself. At my age there are still women like Katherine for me. The ideal. Maybe unrealistic to even dream of pursuing but definitely worth the shot. I made mine, I don't regret it.
I am glad to know that I am still human, capable of being attracted, and instantly at that to such cool women like Katherine. They actually exist.
All the words I spew, I meant them all. Katherine feels that.
My bud the bar owner saw it and he believes it, plastered and all.
She is Heaven and I am Earth. I gave her my contacts, I added her on FB. Hell, I gave my contacts to her older sister as well. I pleaded with her to let me see her again. Pleaded.
I never got her number. I sent her the pictures via email. Sadly she leaves in a few days. I hope she answers. I hope to see her again.
I wait. I can't sleep. I write this piece. I miss her already. I wait with a smile. I gave it a shot, sans gloves. It was worth it.
I thank God for this glorious day. As my FB status read: "There is a reason for everything. Angels DO fall from Heaven.".
A couple of weeks ago we found out a classmate had a bad case of lymphoma. By coincidence, a classmate of mine, my doctor gave me a book on the dreaded disease. All I can say is that the disease - Cancer, even with today's technology is a dreadful, scary thing to acquire. Sadly, it can happen to anyone and at anytime.
My classmate, let's call him Felizardo has been a friend to me since we were in second grade. I distinctly remember that his late mom Luwalhati succumbed to leukemia at that time, just a few weeks prior to our first communion. The school we went to took the entire class to the wake and we sang our communion songs for Tita Nini's wake.
An 8 year old remembers those kinds of things. As we were growing up, my own mother would periodically ask about Felizardo up to our college years. Thanatophobic herself, my momma was so sad for Felizardo losing his mom at such a young age. Sadly tragedy struck again Felizardo's family in our senior year. His father was a lawyer and active in politics. In cold blood, he was gunned down after attending a convention. I went through a lot with Felizardo. We went to parties. Met with the girls. Did a lot of stupid things pubescent juveniles would do. He was so generous, he would let me hang out with him at his crib back in the day. Felizardo was loved. Felizardo grew up to be a fine man. He married in our freshman college year. raised a family and is now one of the youngest grandfathers I know. His eldest son had his own kid a few years ago. Despite the trials he faced, Felizardo is complete. Endeared by his family and by his many friends. He is successful business practitioner and entrepreneur as well. .
Truly he was the kind of guy the Irish refer to as a "branigan", a true chum to all..
When our class found out about his condition, the core group sprung into action. They organized a fund raising concert with Felizardo as a beneficiary. Aptly entitled A Whole LOTtA Love, the show had Felizardo's cousin, schoolmate and former Kundirana member Ogie Alcasid with his wife, Asia's songbird performed as the main act, gratis. Felizardo's brother in law was with this band Shamrock and they opened for Ogie and Regine belting out classic tunes from back in our day. I hosted the show with this veteran DJ, the very lovely Tina Ryan. The house was full, about 80 classmates showed up. Even more just bought a ton of tickets for the cause. The show was a blast.
As host we kept it light and we were on a roll citing other classmates like the highly decorated Army Col. Demy Zagala, our war hero from Zamboanga that just came back from the front lines and Eddielou Arellano, one of our biggest classmates that head honchoed the whole thing. The touching part of the evening was right before the main event. A classmate that recently celebrated his birthday made it his birthday wish for all his friends to go to the show or donate to Felizardo's cause. Being a cancer surgeon, Leo Ona explained that there is much hope for Felizardo and that prayers are essential for his full recovery. Felizardo's wife Eileen, his mother in law and some relatives also said a few words on Felizardo's condition and took the opportunity to express gratitude for the effort our class took to organize such an event.
The show went on.
In full force, friends, family and classmates partied on for a good cause. Felizardo's wife's pretty classmates were there as well.
It was so much fun I kinda wished it would last forever. Truly a memorable experience.
My dad passed away April 23, 2010. A usual, the wake was at BNS. I was mourning and yet I also had that hurt of coming home with a dead officer in a casket from Palawan. The arrival honors started. I dressed up to receive my father at the church. For a while it felt like my dad was alive and in active service. The thing is. I never felt any animosity whatsoever with the trauma associated with the eviction. In fact, the place seemed so familiar but it just did not feel like home to me anymore. just was like any other place for a funeral. Strange. i did not even bother to visit our old house. I knew it. Finally I was over it already. My dad passed away. I had to move on. I did. Navy Village is just a memory. A great set of memories. The wake went on for a couple of says. I entertained the guest. fed the soldiers. Did the ceremonies. A few months passed and we even had a small reunion at the O. Club. The pansit still tasted swell.
The occupant of our house is now FOIC Admiral Abogado. I met them at the AFP Brats reunion last year. One sweet thing that Mrs. Abogado did was that she invited me to visit the house anytime. I told her how much mostly good memories we had their as a family and my loneseme. Her invitation was sincere. That was enough. I never went back. What a sweet lady. She was an Army brat from McArthur. Like Frost said when asked about life, he answered Ït goes on". We have move on. Memories cherished. But nonetheless we moved on. Navy, FIGHT!
I just turned 44. Ancient. I remember when I was a kid I meet someone my age now I thought of them as "jurassic" as in dinosaur.
Time does not fly. I learned that as I age, it actually zooms! There was an article I read in GQ about David Bowie saying something like time not going faster but rather we have a different perception of it as we age because we have less of it left. A year is 10 % of a ten year old's life while it is merely 2% of a 50 year old's life. This perspective that I acquiesce to was further cemented when I heard a line in a movie about "having more past than future" in a man's life.
I think I do have more past at my age.
Around this time of year I normally get depressed. I guess it is because I am alone in this world. No more close family near me for one reason or another. Friends that am really close to have been lost to their families, broken through the years or were lost because they were never real friends anyway.
Apart from updating my will and other instructions to my administrator (I take time to accomplish this because death is something I anticipate, anytime. Gory but it is as certain as tomorrows's sunrise.) My usual birthday itinerary would be that I have an intimate lunch or dinner with close friends. I also go to church to pray and thank God for another year of blessings. I also usually ask a priest for a blessing. It would be a regular thing to shed a few tears in the privacy of the church.
This year was quiet.
I took a trip to Leyte for a fiesta hosted by fraternity bros a couple of days before my birthday. While we enjoyed the experience immensely, I also took time to re asses my present position i life. Where I am and the direction I am taking. All of this was done in confidence. No one knew my birthday was approaching in my entourage. I took advantage of some quiet time to go to a church with a miraculous Sto. Nino and prayed for my family and friends close to my heart, for guidance and thanks for all my blessings.
I also do not announce my birthday on FB. Only a few genuinely remember or get a wind of it. Though I get fewer greetings from friends by doing this, I appreciate the greetings that I get because i know those people actually took time to remember or mark my day down in their calendars.
Strangely this year was quiet and i was not depressed. I just enjoyed my day, thanking the Lord for all i have. I have accepted my situation where I have all I need. A simple quiet life.
It does not take much to make me happy. No parades or megaphones needed to make my birthday happy.
A text from my niece, a call fro a nephew, a flurry of PM's from old and long dormant friends and greets from classmates in or FB page also made my day. Some greets were a day early, some a day late but nevertheless they remembered me. How flattering! One classmate even posted "
Happy Birthday to the CRAZY GLUE that keeps Batch '87 united! Happy Birthday Ting!! :) Health and Happiness always! :) ANIMO!!"
How sweet. I felt so appreciated. though few, the greets were sincere. It made me look back to last year when my bud threw a surprise party in my honor, Nobody ever did that for me. There were about 70 friends partying with us on a Monday. I also recall other birthdays...as a kid, high school and yes the college years...
No tears this year, just thanks. I appreciate another day, another year of life. Not too many get this far and yet here i stand, 44 years.
With the birthday wishes I realized again that I am solo but never alone, that despite those that do not like me, there are a few that does so intensely, negating those that find me repulsive.
In my recent trip, it also felt so good to know that even at this age I am still capable of romance, "like a kid with a teenage crush on a school day".
No more bitterness, only acceptance and just gratitude. Hope remains. Still standing at 44, just beginning my life.....
We're
born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and
friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we're not
alone.- Welles, Orson
- See more at:
http://quotationsbook.com/quote/21537/?fb_action_ids=10151959933150466&fb_action_types=og.likes&fb_source=other_multiline&action_object_map=%7B%2210151959933150466%22%3A10150301862244501%7D&action_type_map=%7B%2210151959933150466%22%3A%22og.likes%22%7D&action_ref_map=%5B%5D#sthash.2cldhjkV.dpuf
We're
born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and
friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we're not
alone.- Welles, Orson
- See more at:
http://quotationsbook.com/quote/21537/?fb_action_ids=10151959933150466&fb_action_types=og.likes&fb_source=other_multiline&action_object_map=%7B%2210151959933150466%22%3A10150301862244501%7D&action_type_map=%7B%2210151959933150466%22%3A%22og.likes%22%7D&action_ref_map=%5B%5D#sthash.2cldhjkV.dpuf
Orson Welles once said: "We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we're not alone."
The other night I had an episode of loneliness.
As far as I can recall, this massive kind of attack first happened, more than a decade ago. It was like an attack of anxiety where I just feel so, well alone. In my late twenties was the most memorable "attack" that I recall. That time long ago I almost was driven to tears.
That other night, when I felt like it was just me in this world. Thoughts of no one else out there cares about me or loneliness engulfed my very soul. I could not sleep. I knew though that it would pass. Apparently, I knew this after enduring such bouts year after year since.
So many thoughts were racing through my mind. it was like my very soul was under (machine gun) fire. It was at this time I vividly recall getting lost with an old college heart throb friend of mine earlier in the year. This babe of a friend and got lost in conversation and ended up being really lost for an hour (for a trip that was supposed to take about fifteen minutes). We ere talking about loneliness, she being unmarried and living overseas. I remember this gorgeous woman saying something like "I am already used to being alone". I then sorta corrected her. I told her her "You never get used to being alone, you just learn to deal with it every time."
This was my time to deal with it.
That night of my episode, I Googled stuff like "Being Alone", "Dealing with Loneliness". "Meant to be Alone" and the like.
We're
born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and
friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we're not
alone.- Welles, Orson
- See more at:
http://quotationsbook.com/quote/21537/?fb_action_ids=10151959933150466&fb_action_types=og.likes&fb_source=other_multiline&action_object_map=%7B%2210151959933150466%22%3A10150301862244501%7D&action_type_map=%7B%2210151959933150466%22%3A%22og.likes%22%7D&action_ref_map=%5B%5D#sthash.Y1gRu40l.dpuf
After reading through a myriad of postings and a couple of hours later I came across this:
This one struck a chord. That is putting it mildly. This one nailed it. This is very much what I am. An introvert. As such, being alone, I also crave for interaction and without it I sink to depression. Too much of interaction on the other hand makes me want to retreat back to my man cave, my Private Idaho, my solace.
Though I sometimes feel lonely, I also cannot be with people all the time. I actually function and exist better - alone.
Don't get me wrong. Though I have a quasi-hermit lifestyle, I don't really hole up by myself all the time. On the contrary, I have never been known to be a shy type. Instead, I display a bit of swagger and would be the one to take one for the team to go up in front of an audience of 10 or 10,000 for a song, a speech or maybe even do one the comedic acts I work on in the privacy of my home.
For years off trying to put a finger on it, I have finally accepted what I am. An introvert.
Extreme isn't it? A guy that was once a DJ/MC, a guy that has zero stage fright (no alcohol needed), a big confident persona, the "vida dela fiesta" and yet a comfortable loner. I could socialize but would easily get my fill and prefer to retreat to my own "mad world".
It is comforting to know that artist, comics, captains of industry and even leaders of nations have also exhibited such extreme behavior. Lincoln, Gandhi, Bill Gates, JK Rowling, Steve Martin, Harrison Ford, David Letterman, Gyneth Paltrow, Tom Hanks and even the mad man Einstein are just a few of the known "famous" introverts.
As it turns out, its not a good or bad thing. They are what they are and I am just what I am.
The beauty of where I am in life is things are becoming clearer with my age. Back in my youth, I could really not quite put a finger on what I was. It was no problem traveling solo, living away from home or even as akid spending time away from the crowd on lunch breaks.
Why did I tend to have no problem approaching strangers, make friends or be in the limelight and yet at the end of the day still have a yearning to my comfort zone, my man crib, my humble fortress of solitude?
In a a eureka moment that took a good part of my life I made that realization and accepted it.
I am an introvert with a lot of friends. That is it. Still, an introvert.
As such, I can accomplish , more on my own, being left to my devices. In my past management duties I would just keep things professional and maintain a very healthy uncomfortable distance with people I work with, never divulging too much about non-work related matters.
It makes so much sense why I get lost in the books I read, consumed by the music I listen to and the world I live in.
Strange, I minored in Psychology but never thought of myself belonging to such a personality type. It never dawned to me why I was living a "Lone Wolf" lifestyle ala Chuck Norris in the movies. My social circles revolve people I have known to be tried and true in my life. College fraternity bros, old friends from childhood, from high school or those "I chewed a lotta dirt"with in my younger days.
The thing is, my true and closest friends really cherish my company and go out of the way just to be with me. I appreciate that so much and make known to them as much as I can.
I have also been known to simply discard those that have betrayed the friendship I gave. This is a trait I discovered that is common for introverts and it has happened to me many times. Friends I valued greatly but would never be there for me because they were actually never WITH me. (Did I make sense on that one? I am sure I did.). Discarded from my life, deleted like the contents of my PC's trash folder.
So now I write of this episode of loneliness the other in my crib. As such negative thoughts of fear, imagined or unrealistic troubles, bloated insecurities and paranoid bordering on the delusional scenarios went around my head, I learned from what I read in the blog I cited above how to deal with my situation.
In a nutshell:
1. I accepted my situation. I am a bachelor in my mid forties. Alone, surviving with little, having all I need but not all that I want.
2. I gave it some deep thought. What would alleviate this loneliness?
Like what was stated in the writings of Tyler in his blog, I asked these types and answered them myself in an objective, calm and unemotional manner. To my amazement, the bottom line was this: It was just an episode. I had no problem. This was me thinking out loud, answering myself the questions that I felt were relevant at that time. Some of the questions I asked and answered were like:
a. If I found someone right now to live with me, would it take away my loneliness?
b. If I freaked out, drank myself to oblivion, would it make me feel better?
c. If I had a child just for kicks to combat my loneliness would I be a good father and feel good about it?
d. If I slave the grind again in an office, would I be effective or would I just be a victim of the same circumstance in a different place, surrounded by strangers?
I was surprised. The answers I gave myself cheered me up exponentially. This led me to my next action.
3. I gave thanks. Again, I thanked God like I do as often as I can for the situation I am in. All I have had are blessings. Too much in fact. To name a few:
a. the roof over my head.
b. the a steady means of income that allows me so much time to do whatever I want. (Like dabbling in writing this blog.). Opportunities keep coming my way as well.
c. I have never gone hungry.
d. my ton of friends, real friends that are not just there for me but actually WITH me.
e. somehow, I still have family somewhere out there.
Maybe, God willing I can have a friend or partner in life to grow old with.
Maybe one day someone rings my bell and I do what McArtney once sang, I "let ém in"....
Maybe I will someday be blessed with a family of my own.
Maybe a day will come I won't have to feel this way ever again.
Maybe, I can just be. Maybe this is as good as it gets. Maybe.
I woke the next day with renewed hope. I was better. It was just a bout of loneliness, something a cup of coffee with an old friend, a few laughs, a chat on FB won't fix.
That last night was an epiphany. In my mid forties, I got a to know myself more. God made realize something. It was by His design. I was human.
Life goes on. It's cool to be aloof, alone.
I am an introvert. I am just what I am. Like Gaga sings, I was born this way.
Heaven knows what lies next. Everyday, I keep writing the book....
It's all good.
"there are worse things
than being alone but it often takes decades to realize this and most often when you do it's too late and there's nothing worse than too late" - Charles Bukowski
Last Thursday had to pass our Western Union branch in Taguig (near Libingan) for some OB. It was later in the day & I found some free time before my day was officially over.
The time of day was perfect. No longer hot. Almost 1700H, closing in on sunset. Instead of going straight back to my flat I suddenly thought of passing by the village since I was in the area anyhow. For dramatic and more of sentimental reasons, I intended to return to BNS on May 19th, the 1st anniversary of the Eviction. As I approached Gate 3/Marine Gate I contemplated on it further. There was ressistance from somewhere within me. I slowed down a bit. I then said to myself "what the hell", at my age drama & sentimentality easily make it out of the window.
Something inside me told me to go in and make peace with myself & the place I miss so much.
I did.
After about 10 months I entered the Marine gate & was met by howitzers, bazookas, 90RRs, mortars etc. They are decommissioned hardware installed at the gate for display. It shows that Marines are now also into posterity (more like Queer Eye for the Camouflage Guy). I anticipated sadness, hatred, frustration and other negative feelings to swamp my being. Strange. Nothing.
As I passed the church, the grandstand it is as if l just left a few weeks ago. The place just seems cleaner. There is a new jogging lane dedicated to a late LtJG Muyargas. It is filled with officers & EP's. I swing by the Grandstand and I am filled w/ memories too many at once. I just know the place is great to see again. The parade ground is filled w/ kids on bikes, some are running around all over the place with yaya's guarding them. The kids are from a different set of families. It was the best time to hang out there.
The familiar smell of the village is now ever prevalent. After all these years I guess it is because of all the plants/trees around and all the trimmed grass. I smelled home.
I enter 3rd Row. It looks the same. I pass the Punsalang & Viray house. The Punsalang house is Marine barracks "themed" surrounded by a chain link in yellow & red. The Viray house looks the same as when I left. A LtCol lives there. I pass the Suratos/Ruiz houses & both looks like they are not yet fully occupied. The Pizarro/Varona/de leon quarters pretty much also look the same. Gen. Espinosa's place is occupied by Gen. Saban & is fully functional.
At this point I remember the eviction day. Marine and Navy Officers were kicking down doors. I remember going down 3rd Row saying goodbye to neighbors like Beachy Viray, Mrs. de Leon, Gen. Ruiz, Commo. Pizarro, Adm. Perez, Ina, the Varona family & Tic-tac Butchoy.
I slow down reaching the end of the road & turn right. It seems my scoot was on auto pilot.
The Paredes Quarters looks the same. The happy hour tent is still there. Adm. Garrido's quarter is still unoccupied.
I see the FOIC's place. My heart stops. I say to myself "You will go back to see a house that is no longer yours. No longer your family's. You can go back & visit again when you are ready."
I say again to myself after a long, long time. "Navy, Fight".
My house now faces the parking lot. It is fully renovated. The side door is now officially the main door. Clean. It has been landscaped a little. My heart skips a beat. I stop and stare. Memories flood. I remember the 25 candles I lit the night before the eviction. No one was home.
I enter 1st Row. It looks the same. The Maligalig house even looks like it got a paint job. The rest of the houses seem unoccupied.
I enter 2nd Row. It still looks the same. The Cassilian/Codera house just do not have much plants anymore. I see Royet's lola at the porch of the Subida quarters. The Santos residence still has the small up front house.
I turn back. I enter 4th Row. It looks the same. The Panes/Gallos place also has lesser plants. Mrs. Panes was tending her smaller garden. I see the Wong place (I stayed there for about 3 weeks after eviction), It has been remodelled. It now looks like a spaceship. No kidding.
The Guzman/Patino/Torres place looks kinda bare w/o the plants & the gazebo. The Gojo/Manlongat quarters look exactly the same.
I go to the pool.. Tita Cora or Mrs. Guzman were not there because the store is operated by someone else. I chose not to grab a snack.
Passing the church I noticed a big wake. I realize it was for Adm. Baylon. I swing by & extend my condolences to Cheryl's family. Jigger was arriving that day. I met Mrs Fajardo & chatted a bit on life after the village.
It turns out that Adm. Mayuga also swung by earlier. The Old Navy Ladies that were there were not too fond of his arrival. That's understandable. It just goes to show that our eviction was not personal. Even though it hurt us so much, the people who evicted us were just under orders. The Navy was just firm. We just had to go.
I saddle up & get ready to go. I have been in the village about an hour. In that time I realize that I had no sad feelings, animosity or hatred. Despite all my hardships that I had to endure after the eviction, I felt no ill feelings. Just memories. Mostly happy. That entire time, I had a breathe of fresh air, a positive vibe. I felt a sort of peace within. Relief. It was like going back to my old school, knowing where everything was and at the same time it was either still there or no longer anymore.
At that time it was close to sunset. I climb on my scoot. I smile.
After almost a year, l went back home.
"Another aerorplane, Another sunny place I'm lucky I know. But I wanna go home Mmmm, I've got to go home
Let me go home. I'm just too far, from where you are I wanna come home…."
This letter was written and read in Greenbelt 3, in a restaurant full of people. 36 long stemmed pink roses accompanied a pair of rings fabricated for the occasion. This letter contains a message, a plea, a declaration of a man's feelings for someone that he never had a chance to do so in his youth. Raoul finishes his mission. He tells her. He finally got it over with. Raoul can only wish but he does not expect anything in return. He gave his heart. Ina, was overwhelmed. She did not know what to make of it. Ina knows that this is no joke. She was flattered and felt she is not worthy. To Raoul Ina, you are his world and like the song goes "If he could reach the stars, he would pull one down for you....." Raoul and Ina's identities are known only to a few. It is better that way. The story of life continues for all of us.
Ina,
Since I met you 26 years ago, life was never the same for me. As a youthful junior bro, I put off any concerted effort to woo you for there was a long cue for your heart. I was young, careless, car-less and yes I was afraid. Afraid of rejection, afraid of myself, afraid to face reality.
Since 1987 you were my princess.
Many nights, I dreamt of you, like an angel fallen from heaven and I, a mere mortal often listening to the lyrics of a pubescent pre-"Livin' La Vida Loca" Ricky Martin singing with Menudo “If you’re not here” as I lay in bed.
Over time, many nights I cried wells of tears that dried up through the sands of time. Angst, regret even pain prevail my thoughts when I reminisce our younger years.Longing for you to be here, by my side for you are the music and I am the dancer in the song that is called LIFE.
You on the other hand remain timeless growing even more beautiful as the days pass. Truly, an angel you are, like a diamond shining star, so radiant, even more so beautiful from the inside as well. Timeless.
Now, despite all odds, despite the embarrassment, despite my fear, Here, I am pouring my heart out. It is about time I got it off my bursting heart.It is time that I be a man and face my fear head on like that tinik (bone) of Bangus (Milkfish) I get stuck in my throat eating Sinigang sa Bayabas.This is the toothpick, this is the cure.Like Richard Marx sang in the ‘80s “I am right here waiting for you”.... It is my destiny.
Though I should have done this long before, Ina, I now kneel before you not as a princess but a Queen. From the deepest caverns of my heart I ask that you be my Queen and I, your servant to spend our remaining years together.
I plead for your love with this ring. I beseech your kind heart to consider what I bring to you-the hard, awful but sincere truth of my feelings.
Ina, I worship the ground you walk on. You are the heaven that I need, Taytay needs a Queen. You are my world, my song, my destiny.
You are the one for me Ina since 1987, My heart cannot accept nobody, nobody but – you.
Every man has a love story.Cheesy. I mean cheesy as something out of the most pathetic romance novel you can buy at a five and dime or like on TV, like those K pop mini series that make me puke.I have my own. Some known, some buried, lost in oblivion, forever.
No matter how cheesy, complicated it is, every man still his own love story of a girl that that has no happy ending. That story belongs to that man and that man alone. The one that got away, the one that never loved him back, the one that never knew he cared for her.Each man has this rite of passage.Painful.But rites of passage are usually no sleigh rides. Just like circumsicion, that was no sleigh ride for me. (That's on an upcoming blog btw.). I have couple of experiences with this but that chapter was closed long, long ago.I sometimes reminisce about those days but that is just it, plain reminiscing.
There is a poem that goes “Just because you love someone, that does not mean that that person will love you back.You can just try to be lovable, the rest is up to them”.The hard awful truth and it happens to the best of people.Actually, it happens to all guys.All men were rejected at one point in their lives.Brad Pitt, Rudolf Valentino, Richard Gomez, Martin Velasco even Aga Muhlach, they all have a story to tell about a girl with a "not so happily ever after" ending.
Raoul had a thing for Ina, a campus heartthrob that earned a moniker of being “The Heartbreaker”. Ina was smart, sexy and absolutely to die for. Raoul being young, shy and innocent never made a move. Raoul was also linguistically challenged. Let's just say he has a different kind of English. Raoul was so afraid of failing that he never tried.Adriana Lima, the supermodel believes that "one should never be afraid of failing but actually never trying". Nice point. Raoul never even tried until this time.
With Ina many tried, most failed.Indeed she is beautiful. Timeless.She is the kind of beauty that makes you wanna wake up to see beside you, each day until senility.
Sadly, Ina is engaged.
Yesterday a friend of mine and I hatched a grand plan for Raoul. Ina was in town and there was a dinner in her honor.What started out as a joke became an ornate, well executed plan that made someone dear to us so happy.
In 24 hours we were able to:
1.Fabricate engagement rings;
2.Get a bouquet of the finest long stemmed pink roses;
3.Compile music memorable to this girl that she will forever cherish;
4.Write down what this guy wanted to say to this girl for 26 years in a light, humorous, concise and sincere manner and
5.Round up a group of guys from our crew to act as his “cheering squad”.
Raoul, despite his fear took after this poet Rudyard Kipling.Raoul “filled his 60 seconds worth of distance and ran” he ran and "risked it in one pitch and toss”.In a public place, a restaurant in a mall teeming with people, he went in there, after drinking half a bottle of Scotch, flowers in tow, rings in his pocket, he knelt and read the letter that contained a message that he should have conveyed 26 years past.This kinda courage is not easy, even for a man never married and in his 40’s. She was the one he loved.
Ina was flabbergasted.In her face, she did not know of this was a joke.I guess when the guy knelt and professed his love, punch drunk with emotion and Scotch, negated by adrenaline, she got the message.She is engaged but this guy just had to try. It was his last ticket, a “Last of the Mohicans” kinda thing and like like Bon Jovi sang in the '90's he was "shot down a blaze of glory".The letter Raoul read to Ina was heartfelt and truly stunning.It was worth the chance
