Still standing at 45: Birthday Thoughts

Paradise

Two hours in into my 45th birthday and I signed up to work for a short term security project in a paradise resort away, far away, from friends, family and those that matter.

July 2, 1969. I was born at about 0800H to my late mother Ester.  My late father was a sailor aboard ship that rushed to see me a few days later.  My mother told me my father was ecstatic, jumping for joy when we met.  Babies are always a good reason to celebrate.

Wow. 45. I remember when I was a kid that I ask d my mom how old she was and when she said she was 45 I thought she was ancient.  Now I feel ancient. Time doesn't fly. It zings past you like a meteor.


Looking back at my colorful life I ponder.  Where did all the years go?  These days it is so different.  Bones ache.  Memories fade.  Bills need to be paid. The little future ahead has to be planned.

Tonight, as I lay on my bed in a beautiful resort area I think of what to write to commemorate my 45 years on this earth. After some thought I decided to write about some thoughts I have had leading up to where I am now.

Here goes nothing, I thank God for:

1. the food on my table, the roof over my head, the shirt on my back
2. my commanding presence, my built and the little bit swag I got.  On top of that, if I was made like Rudolph Valentino that would have been an injustice to the human race.
3. making the moves in His cosmic game of chess involving my life putting me where He wanted me to be in His time.   
4. allowing me to be sent to a better school than my smarter relatives, somehow letting me get into the premier state university in my country, graduating despite the doubt of others and the odds.  
5. failing an entrance exam that would have got me killed if I made it in that school.  
6. making me need to go to a public restroom while with a friend that led me into a Business School degree. 
7. opening doors for me because of all of the above. Giving me a shot at so many things.
8. giving me a chance to pursue a career, giving me jobs to do, to try.
9. allowing me to go on, putting me in  place where I could be helped when I had 6 hours to live a few years ago
10. for around 100 people that I can say truly love and appreciate me. That's much more than enough.
11. helping educate myself, in school and the school of LIFE
12. the past mistakes I made that made me learn and made me stronger
13. giving me such a loving mother and a father that did the right thing in the end
14. giving our family an angel that brought so much happiness in our life
15. giving my brother two wonderful sons that i love so much
16. giving me an Uncle that is more than just an Uncle.
17. my gift of gab, the little wit I have
18. the thick face that allows me to go onstage anytime intoxicated or not
19. my twisted sense of humor that some appreciate but some see as total madness
20. the the many other talents and skills I am just beginning to tap and discover
21. giving me the few wonderful friends that trust  me with their lives.
22. still allowing me to care for others no matter how much hurt I continue to endure
23. the sweet words I receive from people that matter.
24. giving me so many casual friends and the few real ones
25. giving me "special" friends
26. the few that love and care for me genuinely
27. allowing me to lose friends that were never my friends anyway
28. all the girls that that I loved even though they did not love me back.  It would have been a total disaster if they did anyway.
29. allowing those I have hurt to forgive me
30. helping me forgive
31. giving me a sense of purpose, doing the right thing or something meaningful
32. helping get off the whiskey wagon for the 5th year
33. giving me renewed hope in life, love and my pursuit of happiness
34. helping me accept myself completely
35. for the 45 years that I woke up for the day.

  Now it is morning.  I am still in a posh resort. Quiet. Calm. Staring at the peaceful sea.  This place is like out Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous.  Clearly it's a dream. I don't belong here. It is great though I am being productive with a real great bud than being sidelined at home.  Far away, keeping my head occupied, away from the troubles I face, the realities of life.  Look at the pics and video.  This  place is fabulous fit for only the rich and famous.

Now for my birthday wishes.  They are not much. I wish that:

1. I loose all those pretending to be my friends and I learn the tried and true to keep them for life.
2. all those dear to me find happiness
3. I become an even better friend, a better person in general, a great Uncle, Godfather, family friend to the children of my friends
4. I do not grow old alone and if I do, that I can be of no burden to anyone
5. there are more  parents in the world that will love their children immensely. Not all have the privilege of being a parent.
6. that I may have all that I need for the remainder of my life
7. Yolanda and other victims of disaster cope and recover from their loss
8. I can see the world. Europe, India and Africa.
9. I leave my mark in this world. No matter how minute or trivial.
10. I die a glorious death, in a blaze of glory, not just fizzle out but with a really BIG bang!

45 thoughts on my 45th year.


Life has been good.  Life does begin after 40 for me. It's been a rough, challenging but definitely a fun and profound experience. 

Thank you God.