The Cards Dealt

There are times when I feel I am just at the lowest of lows.

You know, at the bottom of the barrel, the unluckiest guy on this earth.  This was more common in my youth - college and after.  Pretty much all my life actually, I was plagued with that insecurity – inferiority complex if you will.  Thoughts that I was not good enough that I was unlucky, did not have the clothes, the car or the girl.  I am not this or that.  Get the picture?

I later found that this feeling is very human and is not at all uncomon.  This is made worse is if there was no action to even attempt to uplift the way one feels about themselves.  If no steps taken to improve in any little way, then that would be really bad. 

As I went to start my life in the 40’s, this “paradigm” drastically changed.  Though it was always drilled to me by friends and family that I am fortunate, I never realized how "blessed" I really was.  I guess 40 years of life and a year of sobriety does alter one’s perspective and contentment level.

I am unemployed.  I do not think I am still employable.  Living alone, single, I do not have children and do not think I will ever will.  I never experienced a truly meaningful relationship.  Liked by many, loved by some and hated by a few.  in varying degrees, that is how it is for a lot of people my age and beyond.

Despite all this, I am so grateful that I have:

a.      A roof over my head.  It ain’t no Forbes Park, but there are no leaks on the roof and I have more than enough space to live in.

b.     Food on my table. I never went hungry.

c.     The very few friends that I consider tried and true friends.  Some relatives that are truly compassionate and I can still call on anytime.

d.      My education. Despite my pathetic academic record, I made up for it in Graduate School.

Though unemployed, I still get by somehow.  I am so fortunate to have some things provided for me already.  I also still have other options, opportunities to explore.

Recently, this gratitude was reinforced when I got hold of an old classmate.

Johnny (not his real name) was classmate in High School.  He was a great bud, fun to be with, full of scams, funny and even athletic.

Johnny had a sister that I contacted via text.  Let’s call her Mary.  She also went to a decent all-girl high school in Makati.  I kinda had a crush on her back in high school.  I remember she was cute, kinda strong willed and confident.   

I texted Mary to contact Johnny and this is what started what I am writing.  The text was like this:

“Hi Mary this is Martin, Johnny’s HS classmate, wanted to contact him for a get together”

She answers: “Hi I will send you his number”

I reply: “Great! Maybe you can join us? Do you remember me? I went to your place a few times when we were kids.  Are you married already? Where do you work?

This is her reply:

“OK, maybe I can go with my brother.  I am not married but have kids, maybe if I see you I will remember.  I have no job for 7 months because our agency contract was not renewed, I was a Lady Guard at the airport Cargo Bay”

OK.  I know what you are thinking.

That’s right.  No typos.  You read right.  She was employed as a lady guard at the cargo bay of the airport.  Where it is noisy, hot, dusty and God knows what can explode at anytime.  In our society, if you are educated, being employed in minimum wage jobs such as guards is not common.  That is why parents in the country “invests” in sending their kids to good schools, to avoid this kind of scenario.  

I could not sleep that night with that thought in my head.  I imagine how life is for her.  I know since I worked in an airline myself.

A few days later, I contact Johnny and drop by his place.  I have an idea of his situation and decide to buy drinks and food to bring him and his family.

Poverty.  Sadly, that is what I saw in a word.  The neighborhood was crowded, typically urban poor though wel lit and relatively peaceful. 

My classmate had no teeth because of the drugs he took.  He had that kind of tattoo you don't get in a parlor.  He had no job.  In the past he did odd jobs, he worked being a taxi, tricycle driver and a messenger.  He already spent a couple of days in jail.  Half naked on the street he waited for me that night in the street.   Johnny told me he was resting when I called because he was driving for a production company on weekends. We chat and catch up.  For someone that abused so much drugs for so long, his memory was still keen.  We laugh at the old times. 

Johnny lived with his family of about 8 people in that place.  Not exactly an ideal situation.  The place he lived in was a typical urban poor housing bordering on being a shanty.  Going up to his place, I could not fit in the pathway and had to squeeze through.  This is the kind of setting where everyone dies in case of a fire.

His “living” room was about the size of my bedroom, though clean and tight, it was full of stuff with hardly any space to move around in.   The family could not have dinner all at once on the table.   From where I sat the bedroom above looked like a stock area for regular apartments.  The stairs were steep and rigid.  I do not think I would fit or if the rungs could bear my weight. 

I was told by Johnny that Mary also took drugs, got pregnant and was living in the South eking out a living with her kids. It is sad how thing went her way.

Johnny also had a brother that went to school with us.  For someone like Paolo (not his real name) that went to a private school, a great sportsman, he now delivers water for a refilling station.  He lives right across that refilling station, in what looked liked an abandoned house boarded up and all.  I went there with Johnny looking for him.



Sad.





I told Johnny that I will try to help them.   

After such experiences, I am grateful for my blessings and appreciate the cards dealt to me.    Comared to others, my cards were easy to play.   All the hang ups, regrets or “what if’s” are irrelevant and flew out the window.  Again I realized just like Phil sang back in the day that "its just another day for me in paradise"... What do I have to complain about?

Johnny also has his blessings.  His only child is a full scholar at college!  Johnny is so proud and has hopes to the hisghest heaven for his kid.  The kid also works at the local church as an altar boy.  I also noticed that Johnny also loves and cares for his wife.  Though much older than my Johnny, I also see that she also cares for my classmate truly and deeply.  Living in a shack with so much blessings makes it a castle to the occupants.   


Blessings are truly abound.



I will try to help Johnny and Paolo.